Adam Levine: The Living Fluffer

I don’t know how I managed to avoid Maroon 5′s videos for so long, and honestly, I consider it a personal triumph that I have. After watching a few it was easy to write off the band as candy pop for middle-aged adults too tired to try being cool; or late teens/early twenty-somethings who have yet to discover a brain is required to be truly sexy. I paused the videos at times to get a good look at the members and, mostly, they look like they started the whole thing hoping it would be a Creedance cover band.

Except for real-world, full-time living fluffer Adam Levine. A boy too pretty for his own good and sticks out from the pudgy, neck-beards of his band. Really, I think, the band wouldn’t look so sad or awkward if Levine had a little more weight on him. As it stands, he’s the $1000 dildo amongst the nickel bin novelty “cake toppers.”
Adam Levine is hot. He’s living, breathing sex. That’s not the argument. The detail people seem to overlook is that he’s nothing more. Which is what makes it too easy to think of him as a fluffer. Levine’s sole purpose is to keep panties wet and dicks hard.
But he fails at being a real sex symbol because he’s only as hot as a dry handjob. Where’s the brains? The charm? The humor? I guess it’s too much to ask for the whole package. Unless, I mean, you look outside of Maroon 5.
Also, thanks to Buzzfeed for delivering this when I wasn’t even looking.
Here’s more of Adam Levine being a douche.