Please, Age with Grace

Whatever happened to aging gracefully?
Whatever happened to aging gracefully?

I don’t understand the band Train. Just how old are they? Is their purpose to be polite “rock” for the middle age? My mom recently made me listen to her favorite song “Drive By.” Where I think I would have felt embarrassment if I were a teenager, as an adult I just felt sad.
I missed most of the verses because lead singer, Mr. Train, INSISTS on what I guess could be described to be rapping. And by the way, I could look up his name but I really don’t want that in my search history, so I’ll just call him Mr. Train. Anyway, I did catch this gem in the chorus.
“[I'm] just a shy guy looking for a two-ply
Hefty bag to hold my love.”
Oh God. Nothing about that is cool. And what’s worse is that he undoes his entire effort to connect with youth in the very next line.
“When you move me everything is groovy.”
If you’re not using “groovy” in a ironic or sarcastic way then you probably shouldn’t use it. ESPECIALLY if your goal is to be a hit group in this decade.
Really, I think what bums me out about this band is that they are the musical equivalent of “Just for Men,” the “foolproof way to get rid of gray” as described by the website. The thing is, listening to Train or using hair dye doesn’t fool anyone. And no matter how much labels guarantee to hide age, your age is still there. What’s worse is the if you manage to fool someone then you have to keep up your efforts of what is really just lying. Have you ever seen a 50-something year old man with loose, saggy skin and “moobs”, but stark black hair with no bit of gray? No? The just watch the Train video for “Drive By.”